Dowcipy

[wHiTe_StAr]

a jeszcze dam kilka fajnych imho cytatów ( niestety są po angielsku):

-

<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"

-

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

-

<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...

-

<Fireslide> next person to talk after his line will be kicked
<Fireslide> *this
* Fireslide was kicked by Fireslide (12‹61912›)


:twisted:

buahahaha,genialne 8)
szczególnie ten pierwszy mnie rozwalił

[Masa]

zakrszam do linku reklama poker rooma
http://www.funiaste.net/AmguBNq9/200...any_podryw.wmv

[Seen]

1.
Postanowiłam wziąć krótki urlop. Uzmysłowiłam sobie jednak,
że przecież wszystko już wykorzystałam. Ba! chyba nawet zalegam szefowi dzień lub dwa.
Pomyślałam, że chyba najszybciej zmiękczę bossowe serce, gdy
zrobię coś tak głupiego, że ten zacznie się nade mną litować! No, bo
przemęczona jestem, przepracowana... zaczyna mi odbijać. Samo życie...
Następnego dnia przyszłam
trochę wcześniej do pracy. Rozejrzałam się dookoła... MAM!!!
Odbiłam się od podłogi i poszybowałam w kierunku żyrandola; złapałam go
mocno... i - wiszę!
Wchodzi kolega z biurka obok - i rozdziawia gębę patrząc na mnie (on ma
taki jakiś drewniany wzrok!!!)
- Ciiiii - szepczę konspiracyjnie - rżnę psychola, bo chcę kilka dni
wolnego od starego. Gram żarówę(!!!), rozumiesz? Kilka sekund
później wchodzi szef.
Już od progu huczy swoim basem, co ja tam robię u góry. - Ja
jestem żarówka! - wypiszczałam.
- No co ty??? Chyba cię coś straszy! Weź lepiej kilka dni wolnego i jedź się
gdzieś przewietrzyć. Wdzięcznie sfrunęłam na podłogę i zaczynam się pakować.
Ale kątem oka widzę, że kolega też zaczyna się pakować...!!!
A gdy szef zainteresowany pyta go: "a pan to dokąd????"
kolega odpowiada:
- No... do domu... przecież po ciemku nie będę pracować!!!!

2.
przyszedl gosc do baru. ma ochote sie napic, porozmawiac. dzien jakis taki deszczowy. wypija piecdziesiat, zamawia nastepna i zagaduje do barmana:
- jak pan mysli, kto wygra wybory?
- przepraszam - odpowiada barman - ale mamy tu taka zasade, ze nie rozmawiamy o polityce.
- ok - odpowiada klient. wypija drugi kieliszek i zamawia jeszcze jeden.
po chwili znowu probuje zagadac:
- ciekwe czy prymas...
- przepraszam - przerywa barman - ale mamy tu taka zasade, ze nie rozmawiamy o religii.
- ok - odpowiada klient. pije nastepny kieliszek i zamawia jeszcze jeden.
i znowu po chwili zagaduje:
- ciekawe kto w tym sezonie wygra lige.
- wie pan, o sporcie tez tu nie powinno sie rozmawiac - znowu odpowiada barman.
- a o seksie mozna?
- mozna
- to pierdol sie.

[BlaCha]

hahahaha ten drugi jest rewelacyjny ! :lol:

[BlaCha]

no to odemnie kilka, ale po angielsku:

1.
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked,"How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow looked
at him and replied, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

From across the room came voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

2.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

3.
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her
husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9 year old
son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home
unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The
boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here. "

Man: "Yes it is. "

Boy: "I have a baseball. "

Man: "That's nice. "

Boy: "Want to buy it? "

Man: "No, thanks. "

Boy: "My dad's outside. "

Man: "OK, how much? "

Boy: "$250. "


In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here. "

Man: "Yes, it is. "

Boy: "I have a baseball glove. "

Man: "How much? "

Boy: "$750. "

Man: "Fine. "

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab
your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball.

" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them.
"The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?
" The son says, "$1, 000. "
The father says, "That's terrible to
overcharge your friends like that. That is way more
than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess. "

They go to church and the father alerts the priest,
and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth
and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here. "

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again"

4.

A bum asks a man for two dollars.

The man says, "If I give you the money, will you just use it to buy booze?"

The bum says no.

The man asks, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum says no.

Then the man asks, "Then will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?

5.
A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, "Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?"

"Nothing," sighed the little guy despondently. "You see, today has been the worst day of my life. This morning I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss was furious and so he sacked me. I cleared my desk, went to my car, only to discover that it wasn't there - somebody had stolen it. So I got a taxi home, but when it came to paying the driver I realised I'd forgotten my wallet. I then went into my house and I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about ending it all, you came along and drank my poison..."


;]

[moonlight]

Z pamiętnika kamikadze:
Dzień pierwszy: Lot próbny

tak na dobry początek...

[Kapol]

Wchodzi facet do windy, a tam wiewiórka.

Jaki z tego morał?







Nie wkładaj trampek do lodówki, bo się mleko zagotuje.

[Mustafa]

co za zonk hehe

[Mustafa]

przychodzi Palo do lekarza i mowi ze jak gra w pokera to wszystkim chlopakom staja paly
Lekarz popukal sie w glowe i odpowiedzial ze to nie mozliwe
Palo na to ze ma przy sobie talie kart i moze udowodnic
Mija kilka rozdan lekarz zauwazyl u siebie erekcje
Podrapal sie po glowie i mowi:
-wiem gdzie tkwi przyczyna panskiej dolegliwosci...
...pan gra jak pizda!!

[palo]

lepiej grac jak pizda niz grac w bierki z kloszardami